31 December 2005

reasons I hate myself, yesterday and today

[in no particular order]
  1. I forgot we have a dog when we made plans to be out of town for New Year's. I didn't just forget to make arrangements for him, I literally forgot that we have a 95 lb furry thing that needs our help to get food and so on. I've had him for eight years, it's not like it's a new thing.
  2. For the third week in a row, I didn't go to the data center before 9pm on Friday. as a result, most of the backups ran several hours late, which kind of defeats the purpose of a nightly backup. probably it's not a big deal, but it might be, and it's my own fault for being stupid.
  3. I still haven't done the dishes, even though I know it's my job and I keep dirtying more of them.
  4. for no apparent reason other than either fear or laziness, both of which are doom, I procrastinated over a week writing a contract for a customer, with the end result that it won't get signed until the day we do the work next week. this is not a disaster, but it is not good business practice.
  5. I completely flaked on a household errand that I volunteered to take care of, then I blamed D for not following up with me.
  6. I stood in the wine aisle in the grocery store for at least 15 minutes last night, trying to decide what to buy. I couldn't make up my mind and finally left without getting anything. what the hell. it's not like I'm too much of a snob to buy wine at the supermarket, I do it all the time.
  7. this year I asked at least three people for their mailing addresses for the express purpose of sending them a Christmas card. I didn't send a card to any of them.
  8. I went to the farmer's market AND the grocery store yesterday and still forgot the flippin' cremini mushrooms.
  9. I constantly and consistently want people to do things to a standard that I don't even begin to meet. what. the. fuck. I have to stop that. now.
  10. I don't know with any certainty when to use "which" and when to use "that" at the beginning of clauses. I could look it up, but then I couldn't wallow in my own stupidity.
I am a moron. doom.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

May 2006 be
your time to laugh,
embrace & receive
personal peace,
Dr. Howdy

Even - no, especially - when you hate yourself, remember there are plenty of us out here who love you. And I know which one of us is right. Happy New Year, pudding, to you and him both.
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